I like “do” things now but I’m not actually “doing” them. Like I can cut someone’s hair perfectly and smile and talk to them, or walk the dog and say hello to the door man, or hear everyone get excited for my birthday in two weeks and smile and say thank you, or put on pretty clothes and makeup, but I’m not actually feeling any of it. Nothing is there. Just my empty birdhouse brain full of straw and twigs of shit and issues but the eggs and birds with all of “me” fell out or something. I literally am watching my life go past me now and I’m not feeling any of the things you are supposed to feel with each situation. It’s just like “oh that just happened and I just did that.” And that’s where it ends. I can’t stop it either no matter how hard I try to get myself to feel.